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 Perfection VS PerfectionModerators: Moderators Jump to page : 1 2 Now viewing page 1 [25 messages per page] | View previous thread :: View next thread |
| Yoga -> Bikram Yoga | Message format |
StandingBow |
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| I've been practicing Bikram for nearly three years, and go most every day. During this time, I've found the practice to be very rewarding, and have experienced many benefits, to include better health, fitness, and concentration in all aspects of my life. As a perfectionist, I work hard at all of the postures, focus on the breathing, and am fairly gifted with being strong and flexible, so I get through each class, remaining quite attune to the dialogue's demands. However, I never get "ripped," and in fact, lately, I've put on some fat and muscle as I started lifting weights some and had to take a few weeks off as I was traveling, so ran and did gym stuff, but no substitute for Bikram, but I noticed even before, I was putting on weight, here and there. After a great class, where I was strong in every posture, and was happy to almost get the full split in Standing Bow, my favorite, I was told by my yoga instructor, today, that I needed to lose 10-15 lbs., that I should count my calories, focus, and get back down to the way I looked last summer! He also suggested some dietary pills to stand in for actual meals. I'm not fat -- 5' 7" male, 32 in. waist, now, a muscly, maybe a bit soft, 174 lbs. I was between 168-170 lbs last summer at my fittest as I recall, and I will get there in a month for sure, as was my plan before being reprimanded by my instructor/quasi/self appointed personal trainer. In many ways, I could care less, but in other ways this concerns me. Each day, I'm finding great ease and power in the practice, and am told again, and again, that I should "compete" by teachers in studios in NY, CA, TX, MA, etc. again and again. Maybe some day, but I just love practicing without any drama, just like the quiet of the mirror and the sweat, and looking at my knee! I pride myself on perfection, not in looking the best for anyone else, just into the yoga for the resolve it gives me to put up with situations or even people, who sadly, turn out to be my one of my yoga teachers. In the end though, I find this really upsetting, and wonder if anyone else has been called out in such a way by a teacher, or if there are teachers or students who might be able to speak to this situation, or offer some advice on how to move forward. I mean, really, bodies change like everything else right? I do plan to go right back to the studio tomorrow, get right up to the front, and go through the practice to utter perfection, never falling, always moving through the dialogue as elegantly as I can bear, as usual, even if I don't look to the instructor, as beautiful as I know I am, even with my extra weight, which, in the end, is a part of me, and no concern, I know, of his. Edited by StandingBow 2010-06-19 3:25 PM | |||
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| tourist |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 8442      | Hmmm....I suppose this is a challenge to you to "not let anyone take your peace" and help you stay true to your own practice, wake you up and help you learn what is important to you and stuff like that? I can see this as a good learning experience. Maybe. But frankly, if I spoke like that to one of my students I would hope they would give me a swift kick somewhere that would make ME wake up. I hope you find a way to continue to enjoy your practice. | ||
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| Glenda, see what forum we're in? Explains a lot n'cest pas? | |||
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| StandingBow |
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| Thanks Tourist. This is a very big challenge for me. I don't want to be the "loser" in this one, so am trying very hard to not have my peace hijacked. I'm going to class much later this morning, but I found myself woken in the night, after a disturbing dream of being defiled, which was excessively graphic and strange. I'm a writer, so will document this in some way this early morning, maybe starting here. I'm being interviewed for a journal, and the interviewer is posing all of these questions about the grotesque and abjection, things I address in my work, so I wonder if I'll weave some of my thoughts through there later on, but for now, I realize poison comments like his can run deep into the psyche, and like any toxin, needs to reach its way to the surface. I do really appreciate your comments -- I keep debating about whether or not I will say something to him, particularly around perception and evaluation, and whether in the end, these things should matter, or if the practice should run deeper. The more substantial question for me has to do with teaching through fear, and "teaching" outside of the classroom. I'll be honest, I do understand that desire for the perfect body, and in many ways, I aspire to looking great, but I don't particularly care for thinking about that around yoga. If I wanted this, I would go to the gym and toward gym culture that feeds on fear, insecurity, and stress. Yoga, even Bikram and its aggressive style, lends itself more towards fitness through focus and patience, not fitness through fear and shame. If I practice as closely to the dialogue as possible, if I work as truthfully as I can through the class, working as fully as I can, if I remain focused, I know my body will give me what I need. I do enjoy the yoga, and even like doing other things like running, and swimming and tennis, and do more of these in summer when I have more time. I think I'm getting closer to what I may say to this teacher, but in the end, or for a start, I will try to jump back into the class, up front, take my whole body and mind to the front and center of the room, and work through each pose, in silence, meditation, and peace. I hope the teacher has a good view, too. I'll kick high and back as I can in my standing bow! I'm going to think about letting it go, and being effortless in my ascent. I really like your Iyengar quote! Like you're pointing out, Tourist, I think I need to stay in line with my practice and enjoy it, something I simply really love. Thank you. SB Edited by StandingBow 2010-06-20 5:06 AM | |||
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| vibes |
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Extreme Veteran Posts: 574  | You know yourself better than the teacher could ever dream of. Be yourself and your yoga will improve more than following yoga instruction like a robot who doesnt think,sense,feel for themselves. | ||
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| StandingBow |
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| OK, just finished class -- arduous, but did every pose to the fullest, and did not stutter a once, even though my heart was filled with rage, my balance and strength did not falter. It took exactly one hour to purge myself of some of the toxins of this teacher's comments, when I realized that I should just pay complete attention to my body, and how it was helping me get through the tough practice. As a side bar, I signed in without making any eye contact, and went right in and started stretching and meditating, but this did not work, still felt the hurt and rage of insult, but stuck to my guns and your advice and went in ready to work as hard as I could for myself, but tomorrow, whether I practice at this studio, or another, I am going to work on clearing my mind as much as I can, to think of bright skies, breath, wind and letting go of ego. Another side bar, I left as quickly and quietly as possible, again, not saying anything to the teacher. I just can't deal with his judgement and tactlessness. Usually feel great after Bikram, but still feeling dirtied by the whole thing. Anyway, off to the beach now, to see the sea, to write, read, and relax -- I wonder how long until I regain my inner peace, sad that it's being disrupted by some terrible teacher who hasn't a clue. I feel my self centering though, already, slowly. SB Edited by StandingBow 2010-06-20 11:39 AM | |||
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| yoga-addict |
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Veteran Posts: 243 | I think that teacher was WAY out of line giving you advice like that. The only possible explanation I can think of (not knowing you or him) is that he felt he knew you well enough as a dedicated student to give you some "tough love" to "help" you succeed in possible future competitions. Even with that possible supposition though, it is wrong on so many levels. First of all it's none of his business what you weigh! Second of all, suggesting diet pills in place of meals is outrageously dangerous and stupid IMHO. And certainly all of the above is well outside of any training or expertise of an average bikram yoga teacher. I teach bikram yoga and I wouldn't dream of giving any student personal advice like that, unasked or not! It's simply not my job as a teacher to judge the student in that way. I wouldn't speak to the teacher, I would say something to the studio owner, as it is not fair that that teacher has now made you unhappy about going to class there. | ||
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| The cynic in me wonders - if the teacher was trying to sell you dietary pills. I can't even imagine the subject of weight being appropriate in a group setting - in fact - I can't even imagine subject of weight being appropriate when working one on one - unless the student brought up the subject first. I am assume from your response - that you did not bring it up first. I can't help but ponder on this - how many times - without intent - have I perhaps said something/that pushed a student away??? Of course it's always a question of letting our piece be stolen by something outside our control. But I can't help but think that you might want to consider saying something to the teacher. A response rather than a reaction might be appropriate. Vicki | |||
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| StandingBow |
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| Wow, thanks Vicki and yoga-addict, you don't know how much your observations and suggestions are helping, because I'm away from my home yoga family, who are not subjected to regular abuse, so its nice to get objective responses! Yoga-addict, the man is the owner, and he's very different from my many instructors, owners in his methods for pushing people, saying things like, you want that "lean yoga body," not the "squat bulky body," and you don't want that "jiggly, jiggle hanging off your arm," as general add-ons to the dialogue. It's disconcerting, for sure. But I practice at two and sometimes three other studios on the west and east coasts, so I figure, that's his personality, and heretofore, I just ignored the comments, or thought them amusing, at best. I just feel terrible for the students who do push themselves to the limit, and who knows what their diets are, and how much they internalize his judgements about "ideal" body images. This is the only studio I've attended, where (twice) the ambulance had to come to pick up students who passed out, and the only one where students repeatedly enter and leave with abandon, so there's a mix of problems. I am happy enough to find my own focus, and even this nightmare comment I am getting over, but I know it will take time. I was a fat kid, so I have lots of issues around body perceptions. Bikram is great because your pretty much naked in front of a whole room of folks in all shapes and sizes! I'm not happy, but resolved to make the best of the situation, and continue my regimen of yoga, and other exercise I enjoy. I went for a tremendous run on the beach today, and I felt great. I am also cutting back on snacks, and focusing on what I am eating, something I do anyway, so in some ways, his "tough love" has its echoes and fits in line with my plan. I just find it preposterous to think he would think I would need to be advised about eating habits, as I am not a professional model, nor is he my agent! I am pretty sure his practice is not as advanced as mine, simply because he's so closed to what really matters. And I have seen him practice. Further, I am not taking any kind of diet pills, and I will enjoy a nice dinner tonight, and had a healthy lunch after yoga, and a great time at the beach, relaxing in the sun. Who knows what tomorrow will bring. I may say something, but I want to just work on finding my ground first, but who know maybe it will come out when I sign in or out. I still feel a little sore about the whole thing, and felt totally self conscious about how I "looked" in class, at first, but maybe this will lessen as I figure out how to return on my own terms, sidestepping the abuse and the shallowness. I am seeking a higher order of excellence out of all of this, and the hardest part is to let go of the anger I feel towards the person who is supposed to be my teacher. I teach, too, as a college professor, and this is helping me to see how I, too, might choose my words with grace, not insult, for sure. There are other ways to push. I am appreciative to hear your comments, and will keep you posted about what transpires in the coming days. Thank you. SB Edited by StandingBow 2010-06-20 7:30 PM | |||
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| vibes |
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Extreme Veteran Posts: 574 | Also remember Bikram himself mistakingly beleives if it doesnt hurt its not doing you good. Aswell as trying to copyright some postures in a certain tempreature. The whole thing is corrupt-not just this one teacher. However if you enjoy it and get benefits go for it and have fun! | ||
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| StandingBow |
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| Thanks for the pick-me-up, Vibes! I do think there is some merit to the phrase, no pain, no gain, but I TOTALLY agree with you about the corrupt nature of Bikram Yoga, particularly insofar as the attention to "competition," "copyright," and "franchising," or maybe, as my partner points out, its beyond anything, a business. I'm fine with that, because it's a good business, consistent, and with the exception of the occasional nightmare teacher, the practice is superb. Today was much easier than yesterday, because I meditated on the drive over and just before class in full lotus, and no fat-hater teacher there. I went front and center, and practiced effortlessness. That is, when I felt like I was working hard, I let go and opened up. I was a little out of sync in standing head to knee, but I caught up and met every pose to the dialogue. I love never falling, and following everything as elegantly as possible through the practice. Not trying to push, but to be open has been fun. I think the fat-hater's comments are teaching me this. I'm going to love my body, every, muscle, curve, bone, beat and shape. And I will also continue to excel, despite anyone's demands except my own. I still hate the idea of being judged, but maybe that's a basic hurdle, to learn to let go of what anyone else thinks, especially if it has to do with their own issues. I may one day "compete," because I wonder what it would be like to be in an atmosphere that celebrates another kind of perfection, something to offset this nasty taste in my sweat. SB | |||
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| SB, This is a difficult post to reply to when one is not within the context of the style of practice you are pursuing. In fact, that is part of a reply - the purpose of the practice (or context) has to be taken into consideration. Therefore if the student is able to identify that work of that particular practice (and I would imagine after three years the student would) then the answer has to be crafted around that. In my teaching we're not addressing the physical body, the carcass, the suit that hangs on the bones, so the student that jiggles and the student that does not, the student who's lean and the student who is portly, the student who is pitta and the student who is kapha, each have yoga available to them equally. And at the same time, yes there is an asana practice but that practice is for the purpose of bringing the student closer to the light within them, the self, the spirit. In yoga, of all discipline, I can't fathom how a well trained teacher with a robust practice (asana, pranayama, meditation, lifestyle, nutrition, applied philosophy) could sleep at night after saying something which seems on the surface to be degrading. Our job as teachers, no matter what style we teach, in what part of the world, for what pay, our job is to empower students to become more aware through their practice and transform well beyond the physical form (though that part of transformation can be fine when it is in balance, though deleterious when out of it). You may respond in many ways. However it seems to me that it's an opportunity to live in a way that demonstrates how fecund the practice has been for you. It is fine and well to sit on our perch with a serene smile when nothing at all is disturbed. But it is a supreme test to maintain such equanimity when being slapped in the face. When a student has a dosha that is aflame and engages a practice that is a fuel it can be very tough to find a landscape of embers. | |||
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| lockdaknee |
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Regular Posts: 69 | Bow: Sorry you're going through all that. I would totally abandon all negative feelings about his unsolicited comments and focus exclusively and enthusiastically on the matters that lay before you at the current moment. Good luck! | ||
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| amyf |
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Veteran Posts: 149 | I too had a huge conflict with a teacher/owner after breaking my hip I needed to modify some poses and take it easy for long bout of recovery. he did not get this. My practice like your was/is strong and dedicated and he was used to seeing me do it all and lay it on. when I could not do that for a time he got very angry at me for not listening to him and told me ITS NOT AMY YOGA>>> ITS BIKRAM YOGA ummmm sorry but it IS my practice and MY body | ||
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| Right on Amy! | |||
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| StandingBow |
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| Purnayoga, lockdaknee, and amyf, thanks so much! It IS AMY YOGA! I swear this is my new mantra. How dare he call you out, especially after injury! The best teachers I've had lead the students to own their practice, and simply guide them. In my own teaching, as a professor of literature and creative writing, I think it's most fun to let the students take ownership of what they are learning. I provide information and guidance, and they are on their own to do what they want with it. No need to be an egomaniac. At least this is what I try to aspire to! You all help me to not feel alone. Today I gave my clearly denigrating teacher a nice, calm, hello when I left, but still haven't been able to say hi yet when I arrive -- too weirded out by his comments, but learning to have compassion for his limitations in kindness. I'm still in meditation mode when I go in, through the class, and even after. I told him to take care when I left yesterday. He tried to strike up a chat the other day, and I zipped away. Better to not blow my calm! Funny, though, yesterday in class, after I KILLED all of the harder balancing poses and came out slowly, I added my own twist, and snapped my fingers at myself in the mirror, in the Z formation from the old Living Color comedy series, just to make me laugh inside. And today, there was a reporter in class, doing a local news story -- well, she could care less about my belly, because she kept snapping away at my practice, and the denigrating teacher kept saying "great this" & "excellent that" at my poses, but what did I do -- ignored it all, and practiced being easy, open, and calm breathing through the hypocrisy. I swear this ordeal, challenge is giving me focus to excel, and let my practice be, as AMY knows, mine and mine and mine. SB PS -- During resting pose, the denigrating teacher recommended more diet pills, and some crazy diet where you lose 21lbs in 21 days! Yesterday, he went on a rampage, mid dialogue, about how we can all lose weight by eating 100-200 calories an hour or so after the practice (of course he recommended eating nothing before), a light dinner, and then go for a 2 mile walk to burn off the calories from dinner, and the weight will just fall away....lock your knee, lock your knee, lock your knee! Edited by StandingBow 2010-06-24 5:32 PM | |||
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| Friedrich Nietzsche said: "What does not destroy me, makes me stronger." I think that he was referring to Bikram yoga in general and your class in particular. | |||
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| Cyndi |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 5098 Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | good one Jim!! | ||
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| amyf |
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Veteran Posts: 149 | oh i did not let his comments phase me..... i know my own body and have a strong solid practice so I knew what I could and could not do and how to change things to get the same stretch and benefits. I just continued on and now that i have healed I am stRONGER AND DEEPER THAN EVER !!! | ||
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| vibes |
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Extreme Veteran Posts: 574 | Bikram himself is no better. | ||
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| gogirl58 |
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Extreme Veteran Posts: 338 | Hi Standing Bow and others involved in this thread, I have thought about this and have a different perspective. Standing Bow, Even though you have worked through feelings about what happened, it is wrong on many different levels. You focus on having a good strong practice and you mention doing the postures well. I am glad that you have this strength and balance. I also understand that you are behaving admirable to this instructor and I assume that is partly as a result of your Bikram practice. I am concerned about the members of your class and all other Bikram classes who have issues such a balance, weakness, physical disabilities. I think that I have a strong class when I make it through, do most of the postures, and feel happy at the end. (not just because it ended, but really happy). I am thrilled when my blood sugar is low the next morning. I love the feeling of improved posture and just the lightness after a class. I am an average older woman with a few health problems, a few extra pounds, some arthritic issues. What would this instructor say to me, or think about me? I definitely am not ripped. I don't think how we physically look, or even our adeptness with postures measures the success of our practice. I think only we can measure that. I hate to see Bikram yoga have the same attitudes as the external world about young, muscular bodies. Sure its great to be healthy and to look good, but yoga is about more than that. We all either age or die the earlier we realize that the smoother it goes. I have watched too many friend smack up again age issues and be surprised. After a certian age, fat stays longer, injuries last longer, and everything is more compromised. We can still be physically active and healthy, we can still do Bikram. We just have to avoid this instructors class. I would bet you have just seem the tip of his destructive iceburg. If he is critical of his star students, how is her the others. Separate but related is the instructors constantly saying, good, excellent or beautiful. I think many instructors do that for form corrections on the students part. Other than that it can be problematic because we are doing this for ourselves and others opinions are irrelevant, except regarding safety and form. | ||
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| StandingBow |
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| Hi Gogirl58: I admire your post, and thank you for pointing out what's really at the heart of the matter. Just as a side note, I trained as a competitive tennis player for many years, and also (for a few) studied judo, and danced all of my life, so have most always been pretty limber and strong. Bikram, frankly, is not really that difficult for me, just challenging, some days more than others, but I have to say that after this incident, my eyes have been opened to the effects of comments like this instructor's ( and the handful of others) that use insult and shame to guide their "teaching". I agree with you about the whole idea of "evaluating" postures, good, bad or ugly, is loaded. I'm not perfect, but my practice is getting better and better because I am starting to care less and less about what anyone thinks. I just want to be open to what comes. I'm open these days to reaching perfection, which is what the post suggests, but what I am realizing is that perfection is fluid, and in the end, maybe, hopefully, always a matter of personal achievement, something you also seem to suggest. I am so happy you are working out your own relationship to the practice, a practice that sounds healthy and enlightened. I've practiced other forms of yoga, and find Bikram to be the hardest kind to find inner balance, which is why I love it. To find inner calm in all that directing and hot-drama is for me, fun. But insult -- after class in particular -- is another animal. The saga continues... Related to your observations on his non-star students: Sadly, at the denigrating instructor's studio, I saw him speaking to a young woman after class about how she needed to practice everyday to "get down" to her ideal weight, then to "maintain" after that. This is the problem, maintain what and according to whom? His warped point of view, a view that is guided by exterior worth, and vapidity? I have been going to this studio every day this week, and each day is different, but in the end, I am going for my own health and awareness, and hopeful that by looking relatively normal, unripped and serene, I can stand in the face and in the mirror, with others, against his attempts at insult and shame. This gives me joy, joy, joy. SB Edited by StandingBow 2010-06-27 5:35 PM | |||
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| gogirl58 |
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Extreme Veteran Posts: 338 | I agree, that is the goal. Today I went for a walk with my husband. After a particularly hot and strenous class yesterday, I was a little tired. I walked part of the way with him and then sat on a bench and waited for him to return to where I was. I could have gone longer and forced myself, but it was hot and it was so nice to just sit there. By the time he returned in about 10 minutes, I felt like doing more walking. I know that I can push myself, but I don't always have to do so. The aim of life is not to be in the best shape, but to have the best life. I struggle with this. I guess that you do also. Well, I'm taking a nap now. | ||
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| lockdaknee |
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Regular Posts: 69 | Bow - Try not to turn the teacher into a villain. It ain't worth it. Remember what Peace Pilgrim says about the importance of relinquishing the feeling of separateness to one's inner peace: <i>All of us, all over the world, are cells in the body of humanity. You are not separate from your fellow humans, and you cannot find harmony for yourself alone. You can only find harmony when you realize the oneness of all and work for the good of all. </i> She also said: "Be not concerned that you are offended, but that you do not offend." Warm Regards - | ||
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| StandingBow |
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| Hi Gogirl -- sounds so peaceful! Lockdaknee, who is Peace Pilgrim? This yoga instructor is a villain in my estimation, at least in the context of his teaching. I think to teach through insult and to attempt to sell products based on making people feel "fat" or "ugly" or "out of shape" in a yoga class is pretty reprehensible, but this aside, his teachings are helping me to see what's important. Please understand that I think the larger point is that it's not "him" I'm really interested in, it's the greater production of the seeming motivations behind his actions that fuel the worst part of this practice, something I can get at Gold's or Planet Fitness, the feeling that the goal of fitness is how one looks. At this point, what he said is still hurtful, and colors my current thinking, but this is natural. I'm not sure when I'll move on, or if moving on, or rising above offense is the real lesson here? For me, equanimity isn't always the highest mark of understanding. Understanding is. I think the process of marking his villany is, indeed, helping me to reveal how to work with all of the parts of this practice that sadly feed on the very fear that the said villain has learned how to use for his own purposes, financial, egotistical, and injurious. SB Edited by StandingBow 2010-06-27 10:19 PM | |||
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