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| I've been "spiritually active" for like 15 years. Most of which have been one major pain. I regret opening so much.
Anyway, something is going on with me! 
This is going to sound so wierd!!!
First of all, there is one major energy vortex happening with my left foot. Its buzzzzzing all the time. When I meditate, I see two shapes - a dark one and a light one - in my foot! And they are bouncing off each other, colliding, tearing each other apart crazy!
Now, somedays are better than others... like recently.
The two shapes take on the likeness of a beautiful woman and a beautiful man. They are hugging each other and fondling and kissing. And I mean... its better than a movie! Its a full blow vision state.
I am so freaked out! Why? Because I don't even sense that these two beings in my foot are even part of me!
Its so beautiful to watch them go at it... its like they love each other sooo much. And they breath and shed tears for each other.
Ok, fine...
So now, I got out into the world to get grocieries or what not. And I am assulted by synchronicity power. You wouldnt believe me if I explained it.... but its like some entity was orchestrating everything and everyone around me. Like I'm in the matrix or something. I'm beginning to question the basis of reality and time.
Now... I *KNOW* this is wrong on some level. I should not be attracting this much power when I just want to be left alone in my little simple free Dharmakaya. I refuse to let this take over my life.
Anyway... man... I'm real freaked out
Will someone pleeeease tell me what is going on and how to get rid of this?
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 8442
    
| You can search kundalini on this board - probably under lots of different subheadings - and find plenty of advice. Most will involve finding a very good, ethical, experienced teacher and working closely with him/her, stopping any kind of self-taught practices, as well as not being drawn into the pretty pictures your mind is making for you. Good luck and let us know how you are doing. |
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| Thanks so much. It just helps knowing that there are people with the same 'issues' as me and with the knowledge on how to deal with them.
Well, I know how to ground myself... earth diving with the base, etc. But I don't do it enough I am sure.
I've been practicing Buddhism and Nagualism since I was a teenager. I just read everything about it. I practice my paramitas, do my mandala work, etc, etc. But I never really joined a group, mostly because there is nothing around were I live. Ive actually thought of moving to a place just to join a sangha.
The only other major problem I have is with my ego. Sometimes I think I am the ugliest person in the world. I'm so ruthless inside sometimes... so I don't really know what is ego and what is vajra pride. I feel compassion and wouldnt strike out at anyone... but there is a monster living inside me I think. He's like "big" me that knows everything... he scares me because he's so powerful and skillful. I try to stay away from him... but i dont want to be him at all. I'm like split or something! hate it
And what about Mara? You know the lord of illusion? He is coming for me in a big way. I saw him in the forest once... he's completely black and shudders with electricity. He stared me down once and cracked a branch from a tree right in front of me. Then just walked away.
Yeah... I love when things are ordinary ordinary. Its like if I analyze too much I get confused. Its so ordinary that I start up again... its a never ending cycle.
Well, thanks so much Mr. Z! 
Edited by milkmoth 2009-07-24 12:20 PM
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 8442
| Carson - thank you for taking this on. It is indeed out of the ambit of most of us here to counsel on these events. No offense whatsoever.
I will add though, for anyone lurking and thinking of working with kundalini or meditation on their own, that most of these questions come from people who are practicing without a teacher or community for support. I don't think it is a coincidence. Please find a good teacher before you start this sort of work. As a dedicated yoga teacher, in her most parental voice, I'll just close by saying "Let this be a lesson to you!"  Seriously - take care. Stay in the Light but don't fly too close to the sun. |
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| Hi Milkmoth,
I just wanted to help on this point.
("The only other major problem I have is with my ego. Sometimes I think I am the ugliest person in the world. I'm so ruthless inside sometimes... so I don't really know what is ego and what is vajra pride. I feel compassion and wouldnt strike out at anyone... but there is a monster living inside me I think. He's like "big" me that knows everything... he scares me because he's so powerful and skillful. I try to stay away from him... but i dont want to be him at all. I'm like split or something! hate it ")
I feel we all have to remember that we are all the most evil, ruthless, controlling and loving people in the world.
This is never the problem!
The problem comes when we feel we should not be like that. It's the conflict between what we feel and what we have been told (conditioned) to think.
It's like anger, anger is never unnatural it's a body's response to a stimuli. It's how the body throws out energy that it can't contain.
The problem comes when you want to be free of the energy "anger", this it where the conflict starts.
We have to accept what the body/mind throws up, not falsify our self with ideals from others.
I would pick up on what tourist said that you can't practice these sorts of techniques without a teacher experienced in this area. And just because you thought you might of had some experience of this does not make you able to control this sort of thing.
And just because there is no one in your area doesn't mean you have to make it up on your own.
I would say there is only a hand full of people alive at the moment who could help.
Here is a link to a yogi and a lineage who might help.
http://hamsa-yoga.org/
Edited by Phil 2009-07-25 8:00 AM
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Expert Yogi
Posts: 8442
| The "nobody nearby to help" thing is interesting. I wonder how many people would stick with that line of reasoning if they had for example, a broken leg. Or using something more in the mental health field, woke up regularly in another place and suspected they were having psychotic episodes or something like that. Would they say "gee, this is weird and scary, but look at all the cool tattoos I seem to be acquiring. Too bad there isn't anyone nearby to help me with this."? |
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| Hi CarsonZi,
On your 1st point on anger I don't see what you said as different at all. You have just put forward a technque in how to approach the energy, in order to transform it.
On your 2nd point there is a big difference in seeing a practitioner about a problem you might have.
There are lots of very qualified people out there who could help you with that.
But to start practicing kundalini techniques without a teacher is just pointless at best and dangerous at worse.
I will always stand by the fact that there are very few people who know what they're talking about.
Aswell you really can never learn this from books or web sites. |
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| I think you have missed what I am saying.
I have not said that you should hold onto your anger but just see it for what it is, just energy. And to not feel bad about it. In that process the energy is released.
As for your point that there are thousands of people who can awaken kundalini is just a false statement, sorry.
I have gone through the AYP site in detail and I just don't like it.
I feel the site is irresponsible in what information it's giving out.
The info on the AYP site is nothing new.
But it's not helpful to throw all the knowledge about all the approaches of yoga at everyone.
You only learn what yoga is all about from a practice done over years.
And you don't need every technique under the sun, just the right one for you, and this can only be done by a teacher giving it to you in person.
The web Is such a mine field of info that it's hard for someone to be able to know whats right for them. |
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| CarsonZi - 2009-07-25 10:44 AM
The difference between you saying "the problem comes when you want to be free of the energy "anger"" and me saying "the problem comes when you believe that "you" are angry" is like night and day IMO. You are basically saying that it is advisable to hold onto your anger, I am saying that it is advisable NOT to hold onto your anger.
When the emotion "anger" is present, you and anger are the same thing, are one. That anger is mental, emotional, physical, hormonal etc. It is in every cell and neuron of your body. It is you. You are it. You may then choose to either hold on to it or let it go. Although there is a certain stability and security in holding on to past thoughts and emotions, they are the past, the known. Love and creativity can only be found in the unknown, in the present moment.
When you experience joy, you and joy are also one and the same. You also need to let that go if you want to experience the present moment. Actually experience "what is" and then let it go. "Should be" in both its positive and negative forms only leads to conflict.
There is no difference between the observer and the observed! You are your thoughts, your emotions, your pain, your joy! Without thoughts, feelings, sensation and experience, you do not exist. The real question is how each of us chooses to live with this reality. There is no right or wrong way, there is only that which leads to increased health and happiness and that which leads to increased dis-ease and suffering. This is why awareness is so important. Through awareness, you can make choices that lead to increased health and happiness; for yourself, others and the environment. This is a personal evolutionary process. This is yoga.
If one is not finding a path that works for them, he/she needs to find professional help, not the ravings of Internet forum folks! (I am including myself in this august group.)
Edited by jimg 2009-07-26 1:32 AM
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| milkmoth,
Based on your post, you may want to answer the following questions:
Do you have mental illness, especially schizophrenia in your family?
Have you experienced a traumatic physical, emotional or mental event?
Have you used or do you you use hard or psychedelic drugs?
Do you see or hear things that other people cannot?
If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you would probably be best served by seeing a qualified psychiatrist.
A "spiritual" path should lead to decreased tension, increased awareness and an overall increase in joy. It sounds to me like you are living a bit of a nightmare that is possibly a treatable mental illness. A qualified medical opinion could be very helpful at this point.
Namaste,
Jim |
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| First of all lets start with AYP.
The problem I have with AYP is they promote learning yoga without a person to person approach.
And it's really not safe to learn, even basic yoga, this way.
Having all this yoga information as a reference on the web or AYP site, is fine.
But just of little real use to you if you don't know how to apply it properly. And i feel you can't do that remotely.
e.g. With kechari mudra that is a good example of a technique that is really dangerous to try and learn without proper guidance.
Not that some Guru is trying to control your progress, they're just trying to stop you hurting yourself.
As for the claims of people being able to raise your kundalini, anyone trying to sell you this "idea" at any level is a charlatan, full stop!
In the whole history of "enlightenment" no one has been able to guarantee they can sell you " as advertised" enlightenment and we have always been warned, throughout history, against people trying to do this.
If there is a "guru" who can enlighten you that person would be fated to find you, not franchised.
As for the anger thing, if you need to have an intention in order to change your energy, then the process of seeing energy for what it is becomes your intention. This could end up in semantics.
In the end I don't like to intrude into someones personal approach to their practice, just warn people coming to yoga they should learn it from a person not a web site or book.
As for discernment skills, mine are fine, thanks. |
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| Carson,
I did not suggest that milkmoth is schizophrenic. I only suggested that if he has schizophrenia in his family, he may be at risk. I do not know him and I am not a qualified medical professional. I do not diagnose mental, physical or "spiritual" illnesses. I do know when someone may benefit from a professional opinion. Milkmoth may want to rule out mental illness (including but not limited to schizophrenia) at this point or get a definitive diagnosis as well as a second opinion before proceeding with any course of action or treatment. Yoga teachers should not diagnose illnesses as we are not qualified to do so. I know that this is sometimes difficult as people come to us expecting answers and we want to help. I really do appreciate your zeal, but I believe that we yoga teachers still need to maintain professional boundaries.
Namaste,
Jim |
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| CarsonZi - 2009-07-27 10:07 AM
This is why I suggest that if Milkmoth DOES go to the doctor, to not necessarily accept their diagnosis as Truth any more then he/she should accept my diagnosis as Truth. Truth comes from within not without. p> Love,
Carson 
The best you can get from a medical doctor is a "professional" opinion. Every opinion is only an opinion, one of many possible answers. "Professional" opinions are, nonetheless, often valuable.
My take on "truth" is that it only exists in the present moment and comes from within and without; it is the whole thing. After that you are only repeating something that no longer exists; repeating words in your head or a memory of a memory; it becomes an echo or a dogma and is no longer the "truth". Since you cannot hold on to 'truth", I think that you need to find "truth" new in each new moment. The only "truth" that there is is the reality that exists right now. |
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| Hi Carson, just a quickie, following the discussion between you and Phil, from what I understand, when suggesting that yoga practices are better learnt face to face, not via internet, books etc, you are misunderstanding.
That has nothing to do with 'needing someone to hold your hand' as you keep saying. It's about having the initial technique taught in person, by a good teacher, and continuing this person to person teaching until the essential technique has been learnt. It's then about taking that learning and integrating it into a personal practice.
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| Hi Carson,
to pick out one of your examples, I do practice nauli kriya, and it was taught to me in person, by two really lovely teachers. It is possible, they can show you the practice, give you helpful explanations about how to approach a technique, and watch you as you try to practice and help guide.
I personally practice ashtanga yoga, I know that you probably don't consider this a 'whole' yoga practice, but actually, learnt well and practiced with love and continuity over time, it evolves into a beautiful and meditative, whole practice. And this is best learnt in person, by an experienced and compassionate teacher. It's not helpful learning this practice from books or the net. Once you have understood the essence of the practice, then you can take it away and make it your own. And this is a form of meditation. |
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| Hey Carson, Fair enough* Juliet |
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| Hi Calson,
I'm glad you will let me have my own opinion (how wonderfully patronising of you)
I'm in no way trying to change your opinion, there would be no point in that.
The main reason you have to learn yoga from a person is that there is too much information to read, in the person's body, in how someone is approaching (say an asana) and how they body is responding.
There is just too much info to be able to write it all down comprehensively enough. It's like trying to compare the info in a map and the living environment. Just not comprehensive enough.
All of the technique in AYP have been around for thousands of years and I have been practising many of them my self for many years. so I'm very aware of what they can achieve.
There is no conversion needed, they are all the same tools.
When you have been doing yoga a long time you will naturally start to move away from other systems and work things out for yourself.
But you need a good foundation before you can do that, which needs good teachers (not some silly idea of a guru holding your hand).
As for kechari mudra being dangerous that's simple.
(1) As you advance with the technique you have to know how to cut the tongue properly.
(2) There is a risk of suffocation.
As for the history thing Hmmm. Yes I have read a lot of history books over the years and there is aways a recurring theme warning you against gurus using shaktipat to fool people. I have spent a lot of time in India and there is a real problem with this in the rural areas.
And I don't know where you got the idea that kundalini and enlightenment are not related? I feel you have missed something here.
Lastly I am very old school about how you start to learn yoga. You have to meet your teacher in order to be able to feel trust for someone's capabilities and experience. This can never be done remotely |
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| CarsonZi - 2009-07-27 10:35 PM
Hahahaha.....ok Phil....
Good luck.
Love,
Carson
I offer you the same contempt
I can just as easily laugh at your statements as well.
I can't see what you find in what I said is so funny, it's been the classical aproach of yoga since the beginning.
And I will continue to warn people of learning yoga remotely.
So I'm sure we will meet again on this forum to continue this point in the future.
Edited by Phil 2009-07-28 3:48 AM
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| If you want to play with this thing that's your karma.
Sorry I don't think it's safe.
It's your body and life so do as you like, but be careful encouraging others to do this.
That could be irresponsible.
If you want to look into the safety of this study "Lahiri Mahasay" |
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| Have you heard of Google?
Lahiri is the polestar of kriya. He brought these techniques back to life at the end of the 1800's everything we do today related to kirya is for him.
Edited by Phil 2009-07-28 12:39 PM
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| IF you are refering to the 'self realisation fellowship' I think founded by Yoganada, then the lineage goes back to Lahiri Mahasay. Yoganada's teacher/Guru was Yukteswar, and his Guru/ teacher was Lahiri Mahasay.
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| I wasn't questioning your knowledge Carson, I was just clarifying who Lahiri Mahasay was, if it was unclear, 'cos I thought from your blog you may not have heard of him. I really wasn't trying to be clever.
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| Carlson,
You're never going to see my point that it is inadvisable to learn from a web site, so any views that I have about safety are never going to be the same as yours as the two ideas are so diametrically opposed. |
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| Fair enough.
I could never comment on your own personal experience.
Just express mine. |
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Member
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Location: UK .... betwixt the two cities ! | This is a very interesting thread! from what little I have understood there is a lot to be learnt from what has been wrote here |
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Kundalini? Don't know what is going on, help.
