| Hello, to start off i suppose i should give some general information about myself, my experiences, and then my questions... so here goes
Hi, my names Michael, im a 19 year old male, living in the united states.
Ive had a very traumatic life, and have dealt with the pain, and im over pain now, I meditate everyday, and smoke weed, i visualize very easy, and have weird experiences with it....
the experiences im having is..... i used to meditate with my eyes closed... and i started seeing things, they would spin/rotate, it would be a room.... or open space, (and when i had my eyes closed, it would always be spinning clockwise, at a slow pace)... usualy it was dark all around, with just 1color in the images...
then finally i started meditating with my eyes open, as i can finally visualize with them open... (see totaly 3d objects. creatures? and landscapes etc etc.
the weird experiences/questions are..
whats this feeling of dejavu? somedays ill wake up, and do dream recall.... and... ill just go about my day, and get dejavu feelings and realize, i have dreamed this exact thing before.
i have visions, in the colors blue, red, violet, indigo blue, and white..... i have yet to have a vision in yellow or orange ray
when i have visions, it starts out with 1 color, and then, all the colors join in to make a picture, landscape, creatures, buildings, towns, cities, that i know, arent visually there for others, but are for me. (what is weird is, when i start with the color blue, and all the colors join to make these things, blue is then missing from it.)
My whole life, ive never had a problem with wearing a coat/sweater/all black, in 90-100degree weather, it doesnt bother me, it doesnt make me sweat, and i dont get dehydrated
also ive never had problems with the cold, wearing shorts and a t-shirt in the winter, the cold doesnt make me numb, nor shiver.
I dont wanna say it doesnt affect me, i want to say, i dont pay attention to it.
Pain, i have almost totaly blocked out pain from my life...my brother died, and that was the biggest pain ive ever experienced (when i was 11years old) ive broken my leg, ankle, foot, arm, shoulder, collarbone, and finger, at first, i didnt like pain, then i LOVED it, i wanted to be abused... then, i grew out of that too... and now i dont really feel pain
im not afraid of dominating, or of being dominated
when i meditate with my eyes open, or closed, i do it two different ways
i meditate outside, in the sunshine, with my eyes open...
and i meditate inside, in the dark, with my eyes closed...
there are differences, and there are differences between when i focus on a part of my body, or on my breath, or on sound, or on objects....
when i focus on parts of my body, i see different colors, and feel different vibrations... (IE: blue at throat, indigo inbetween my brow, violet/white at my crown/red at my base....etcetc)
when i see the color and feel the vibrations, it can go 2ways, i can focus on them, and the vibration, and it actually seems to diminish the experience.... but when i live in the moment, and just realize, its there, ok, it becomes, even more intense
when i focus on my breath, its very weird aswell, as i focus on my breath, i focus on my upper chakras, (throat/brow/crown)
what weirds me out though is, when i focus on my breath, it becomes.... shallower, and shallower, until, i breath in for 15-20seconds, wait 15-20seconds (without breathing) then, exhale, wait another 15-20seconds, and inhale again..
im aware of these actions, but i do not try to control them..and sometimes, i just dont breath, i dont even realize im not breathing, until i start concentrating again (instead of just letting it be, flow) then once i become aware of things around/surrounding me again, i realize im not breathing,..
the weird thing is.... when i dont breath, i wont breath for 15-30minutes... it wont hurt me, or affect me... but when i realize im not breathing, that stirs me... and thats when it affects me (mentally) and i become pained, and start straining to breath
i look at anything focused, i see it, unmoving, there, physical... but what is the physical? nothing but waves...
when i unfocus (concentrate, on a single point, anywhere, just let your thoughts go, dont resist them, but at the same time, not pushing them away) i start seeing the whole, shift, move, wave back and forth...
i see beauty in everything living, and non living aswell...
what im trying to ask really is, what does this all mean? |
questions concerning me....
