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 DesireModerators: Moderators Jump to page : 1 2 3 4 Now viewing page 2 [25 messages per page] | View previous thread :: View next thread |
| Yoga -> Philosophy and Religion | Message format |
Cyndi |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 5098   Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | GreenJello - 2007-08-31 4:24 PM kulkarnn - 2007-08-31 3:30 PM I shall trust in you after you get married.  I'm working on it. Frankly, I'd rather live in a cave and eat nettles than date, but I'm working on it.GJ, you're caving into the wrong things....you should be caving into the girl. Marriage is such a sacrifice to single life and the perfection of living alone. You're never going to find perfect, but what you do have to find is COMPROMISE. I think men have big issues with that lost art. Women really are more open to it than you think they are. I'll never forget this one guy I dated a long time ago. He drove me nuts. Everything had to be so perfect. He even complained one time about the tube of toothpaste that I didn't straighten back out. I said forget it. Of course, now days...my toothpaste is perfectly shaped,  He just didn't give me a chance, Oh well.....just thought I'd mention that. I am so done with desire. It's probably the most disappointing emotion for humans that I can think of. Although....hmm I kinda desire to win that big lottery tonight...it sure could make a lot of people in my life very comfortable. I'd open up the biggest yoga studio ever...it would be one of a kind, | ||
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| GreenJello |
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| kulkarnn |
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| I AM PROUD OF YOU. THOUGH YOU HAVE NOT MET ME YET! GreenJello - 2007-08-31 4:24 PM kulkarnn - 2007-08-31 3:30 PM I shall trust in you after you get married. I'm working on it. Frankly, I'd rather live in a cave and eat nettles than date, but I'm working on it. | |||
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| kulkarnn |
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| strazin |
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jimg - 2007-08-31 6:12 PM The goal to be free of desire is also a desire. Yeah. I'm saving that one for last.  | |||
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| tourist |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 8442    | Well strazin, it is natural to have all that desire at your age, but you are absolutely right that you do not have to act upon it or let it rule your life. I was given a small box of chocolates the other day and I am looking at them right now. Part of me really wants to just eat them all right this minute, but for all those good reasons we both know, I will not do it, no matter how strongly they call my name...Did you know that dark chocolate has a louder voice than milk chocolate? Well, in my head it does, anyway  | ||
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| GreenJello |
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| Cyndi |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 5098 Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | |||
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| tweeva |
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Veteran Posts: 101 | strazin - 2007-08-30 12:06 AM What I will not do, however, is accept my sexual desire as a necessary side effect of my age. Many of you have said that it is natural for a young male to have strong sexual desires. I agree that this is true, but on the other hand it is also "natural" for people to be greedy, selfish, and afraid. Why should I give in to any one of these drives? I don't care if the desire is "good" or "bad". My goal is to be free of all of them. This surely sounds like a noble goal, but are you saying that you are trying to become free from your sexual desires by trying to suppress them?  Maybe you experience these strong desires so that you can learn something and grow. In fact, women can teach us men quite a lot in this particular area. In your original post you mention fear. What is the real cause of this fear, in your opinion? What is your ultimate goal? Tw | ||
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| strazin |
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tweeva - 2007-09-03 7:06 AM This surely sounds like a noble goal, but are you saying that you are trying to become free from your sexual desires by trying to suppress them? Maybe you experience these strong desires so that you can learn something and grow. In fact, women can teach us men quite a lot in this particular area. In your original post you mention fear. What is the real cause of this fear, in your opinion? What is your ultimate goal? Tw I am not saying there is anything wrong with sex. It is my attitude towards sex which I am trying to fix. I waste too much energy and time thinking about it, when I would prefer to focus on something else -- for example, if I am in a classroom, trying to pay attention to the lecture. I also experience too many negative thoughts when females are rude to me. I feel hurt, depressed, jealous, bitter, etc. My goal is not to supress the desire, but rather to be indifferent to it. I SHOULD think: If she likes me, great. If she doesn't like me -- also great. You are right when you say that you can learn a lot about yourself from females. I am sure you can learn something from all of your desires (including greed, anger, laziness, etc.). That is a great attitude to have. But how many people actually have sex or fulfill a desire for "educational" reasons? This reminds me of another question which I will ask in another post. | |||
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| strazin |
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| tweeva |
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Veteran Posts: 101 | |||
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| kulkarnn |
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| strazin |
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kulkarnn - 2007-09-03 5:33 PM This is a classical example of the fact that 'all knowledge can not always be gotten from the book'. Yes. I agree. Sometimes the truth can even slap you right across the face, and you STILL don't get it.  kulkarnn - 2007-09-03 5:33 PM To know the Truth in a ultimate way is for one 'who is ready to sacrifice everything else in the search of truth'. Okay. I am sure that this is true. But this idea is not something I can fully grasp at this point. I think my original question about purity is much simpler than this. My goal is simply to put a positive spin on my desire to overcome my lustful impulses. Swami Sivananda advises us to get rid of negative thoughts by thinking of contrary positive, inspiring thoughts. For example, if you are depressed and gloomy, he reccomends to think of cheerfulness and bliss. Tell yourself, "I am full of cheerfulness. I am full of bliss." It is a wonderfully simple solution. Difficult yes, but you do not have to be an ascetic in search of the "ultimate" truth to benefit from this simple method of positive thinking. Let me ask my question in a different way. What kind of positive, inspiring thoughts can I think about to replace my lustful thoughts? I have tried saying, "I am full of purity!" But I don't understand what is so good and positive about purity. I feel a bit silly asking about this, since purity should obviously be positive. Perhaps you could dumb it down for me. And I also don't understand why lustful thoughts are impure. A lustful person can not be pure? I don't understand why not. I am not necessarily trying to become an ascetic and practice complete celibacy. I am simply trying to find a way to think positive thoughts when I am overcome by negative, lustful thoughts. What can I think about? If anyone has any other ideas for positive thoughts, affirmations, images, or qualities, I would love to hear it. I could use all the help I can get. Thanks. And please, I know that there are many wise, experienced people on this board, and I really appreciate all of your wonderful help and advice. But please do not tell me that I am too young and "noble" and overambitious to resist my sexual impulses. I am determined to do this no matter what you say, so let's stop saying it please. And again, I am not trying to become an ascetic. One inch of progress is all I am aiming for, just ONE inch. Once I acheive that, then maybe I'll start thinking about the next inch. Thank you for understanding. Edited by strazin 2007-09-03 7:42 PM | |||
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| Cyndi |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 5098 Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | |||
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| kulkarnn |
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| Dear Starzin: The key answers to your query is as follows: a) You must develop respect and confidence for yourself. That means you must create a positive image of yourself. b) Except your wife, or a definite fiance, or even a girlfriend whom you consider as fiance/wife (If I had a girl friend - what is that? - I would consider her as my wife only. What else?), all other ladies should be considered ONLY as: your sister, your aunti, your mother, your daughter, etc. This is the image you should develop to counteract your current lustful feeling. Peace strazin - 2007-09-03 7:41 PM kulkarnn - 2007-09-03 5:33 PM This is a classical example of the fact that 'all knowledge can not always be gotten from the book'. Yes. I agree. Sometimes the truth can even slap you right across the face, and you STILL don't get it. kulkarnn - 2007-09-03 5:33 PM To know the Truth in a ultimate way is for one 'who is ready to sacrifice everything else in the search of truth'. Okay. I am sure that this is true. But this idea is not something I can fully grasp at this point. I think my original question about purity is much simpler than this. My goal is simply to put a positive spin on my desire to overcome my lustful impulses. Swami Sivananda advises us to get rid of negative thoughts by thinking of contrary positive, inspiring thoughts. For example, if you are depressed and gloomy, he reccomends to think of cheerfulness and bliss. Tell yourself, "I am full of cheerfulness. I am full of bliss." It is a wonderfully simple solution. Difficult yes, but you do not have to be an ascetic in search of the "ultimate" truth to benefit from this simple method of positive thinking. Let me ask my question in a different way. What kind of positive, inspiring thoughts can I think about to replace my lustful thoughts? I have tried saying, "I am full of purity!" But I don't understand what is so good and positive about purity. I feel a bit silly asking about this, since purity should obviously be positive. Perhaps you could dumb it down for me. And I also don't understand why lustful thoughts are impure. A lustful person can not be pure? I don't understand why not. I am not necessarily trying to become an ascetic and practice complete celibacy. I am simply trying to find a way to think positive thoughts when I am overcome by negative, lustful thoughts. What can I think about? If anyone has any other ideas for positive thoughts, affirmations, images, or qualities, I would love to hear it. I could use all the help I can get. Thanks. And please, I know that there are many wise, experienced people on this board, and I really appreciate all of your wonderful help and advice. But please do not tell me that I am too young and "noble" and overambitious to resist my sexual impulses. I am determined to do this no matter what you say, so let's stop saying it please. And again, I am not trying to become an ascetic. One inch of progress is all I am aiming for, just ONE inch. Once I acheive that, then maybe I'll start thinking about the next inch. Thank you for understanding. | |||
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| tweeva |
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Veteran Posts: 101 | |||
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| tourist |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 8442 | strazin - I hope you don't feel my comments are condescending or patronizing due to your age.(or any other reason). My comments were that your physical drive right now is as strong as a 1 year old's physical urge to learn to walk or my 50-ish self's hormonal drive to eat chocolate at certain intervals. These are built-in mechanisms that are strongly reinforced by social and cultural patterns. So what I am saying is not that the urges are impossible to curb, but that you are at the highest point of this biological/social drive, consequently the toughest time to reduce it. Now, for turning negative thoughts to positive, this is another story altogether and perhaps not so difficult. Some people turn rejection against the person who rejects them- "oh, I didn't like her anyway, she is to short/tall etc." Not to mention rude. I would automatically reject those who were rude - why pursue someone with bad manners? Some become exceptionally choosy and have a wish list a mile long of all the attributes their ideal partner must have, automatically rejecting anyone who does not fall within those parameters. They tend to be lonely for a long, long time... I like Neel's example to treat every woman as though she were your sister or mother. This would automatically take away a lot of pressure and would likely make you appear quite likeable and approachable to others. | ||
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| tourist |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 8442 | |||
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| Orbilia |
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I read this article earlier.... another classic example of the scientific community researching the bleeding obvious!  Fee | |||
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| kulkarnn |
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| I got this from the Saints of India. However, when started, it does take a good amount of time to internalize. For example, when I came to USA, I did not much about Africans. In New Zealand, where I was before, there were almost none. I had a wrong idea of Africans due to whatever reading I had encountered before. When I started getting blacks in my Yoga classes, I found them to be different from what I was informed. I found them to be extremely intelligent, artistic, and beautiful. Not all, you know what I mean, they had many like this. Now, to change my view on them, I went to their homes, ate with them, and spent a lot of time with them. It took me long time to internalize my new finding. Today, I have at least 2 black women who are almost as as close as my blood sisters. Boy, that took a long time. Whereas, with whites, it took much less time, and even I married a Hindu White woman, who is as Hindu as an Indian, perhaps. tourist - 2007-09-04 10:14 AM I like Neel's example to treat every woman as though she were your sister or mother. This would automatically take away a lot of pressure and would likely make you appear quite likeable and approachable to others. | |||
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| Orbilia |
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| strazin |
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| Alright. It looks like nobody really understands my situation or my goals. We keep hammering on the same points over and over again. That's fine. I'm sure you all tried your best. But I am closing the discussion of this topic from my end. Thank you to everybody for the advice, suggestions, and ariticles -- and pictures. By the way, Tweeva, that was a beautiful picture. But in the future, if I ever want a naked, tatooed woman to tell me why I need to have sex, I will just watch MTV. | |||
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| Cyndi |
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Expert Yogi Posts: 5098 Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | Oh Strazin, Relax. Somebody's bound to come along really soon and hit the nail on the head for ya. Hang in there! I'm with ya on the naked tatooed woman picture..I didn't get it either,  | ||
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| GreenJello |
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