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| There has been something on my mind lately and I feel I need to talk about it. I'm a forty something yoga instructor who has been teaching for many many years, but I don't have certification. There have been many times where I've met younger, more attractive yoga instuctors and have felt kind of jealous. Yes, I'm ashamed to admit it. To make myself feel better about these attractive young instructors I tell myself (and sometimes colleagues) that they don't even have the right certification (even though I don't even have certification) or that they aren't knowlegeable about yogic tradition.
One new instructor at our studio is a beautiful young girl and I had already decided that she was just jumping on the yoga trend bandwagon. I refused to give her more than one class because I thought she was too flexible to teach older people. Recently I found out that she has a degree in sports medicine, has been doing yoga for 10 years and volunteers her time free of charge to those who can't afford yoga. I feel so ashamed....Here I've been holding this teacher back because I've been jealous and insecure and she's probably more qualified than even I am.
The thing is that it's not only me who does this....Many of the older instructors at the studio act this way, but don't admit it to themselves. We act like we care so much about the clients, but really we are just scared that we will lose clients to younger, smarter instructors. Since we all act this way it doesn't seem that bad and we are very nice to one another...us oldies.
I love yoga and try to live by the Yamas and Niyamas yet I don't want to feel that I should lose 50 lbs. just to compete with yoga hotties. It's difficult. Thanks for listening and try not to judge me too harshly. These young women will be jealous one day too....look at Mia Farrow.
Edited by shalamOM 2007-03-26 12:12 PM
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| actually, it may be that those women won't be jealous some day, or maybe they already are or aren't. who knows? who cares? it's really the individual's responsibility.
i also think that at some level, nearly everyone confronts this issue in some form or another at some point. i think it's great to observe it, to remove it from the way of thinking or being. just acknowledging it can be a big thing.
being a younger teacher (i'm 30), and having taught since i was 19, and also looking young on top of that, i get a lot of this stuff. and in reaction, i get very frustrated. i'm particularly frustrated with the idea that because i'm young, i don't really know anything about anything, and thus my opinions, perspectives, etc, aren't valuable or relevant. i find myself frustrated, angry, and resentful.
and then, i typically avoid these people if i can.
but, i'm also realizing that i can observe without evaluating. by this i mean, i could say 'wow, this person has an assumption about me." as opposed to "this person is mean because of this assumption" or "this person is going to harm me or try to harm me."
i mean, we're all working through out things. |
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| oh, and in the tradition of catholicism:
you're absolved of these sins, go forth and sin no more. for penance, pray a malas/rosaries.  |
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| zoebird - 2007-03-26 1:08 PM
actually, it may be that those women won't be jealous some day, or maybe they already are or aren't. who knows? who cares? it's really the individual's responsibility.
i also think that at some level, nearly everyone confronts this issue in some form or another at some point. i think it's great to observe it, to remove it from the way of thinking or being. just acknowledging it can be a big thing.
Thanks. I have acknowledged a little jealousy, but I'm sure that many of those young instructors are also jealous of me and my accomplishments
being a younger teacher (i'm 30), and having taught since i was 19, and also looking young on top of that, i get a lot of this stuff. and in reaction, i get very frustrated. i'm particularly frustrated with the idea that because i'm young, i don't really know anything about anything, and thus my opinions, perspectives, etc, aren't valuable or relevant. i find myself frustrated, angry, and resentful.
and then, i typically avoid these people if i can.
but, i'm also realizing that i can observe without evaluating. by this i mean, i could say 'wow, this person has an assumption about me." as opposed to "this person is mean because of this assumption" or "this person is going to harm me or try to harm me."
i mean, we're all working through out things.
10 years is a lot of experience, but I have twice that much...as do many of my friends. I think part of our problem with the younger generation of instructors is that they don't seem to have that reverence. They want to have many classes right off the bat instead of working under a mentor and really paying their dues.
As for being frustrated and resentful, that is ultimately your choice. Nobody can make us feel that way....We can only give them that power. But you have to realize that if people are judging you as immature and lacking in expertise then there might be a grain of truth in that.
Edited by shalamOM 2007-03-26 1:33 PM
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| What a beautiful opportunity for you to expand your consciousness ShalamOM.
Shame is the first step to growing out of the old, ugly patterns which you try to hide from yourself.
It seems this young attractive girl is a great mirror for you which helps you look at yourself and where you are standing, and also where you wish to stand.
You are now viewing your own jealousies, envies, and regrets.
But it's perfectly fine. We all experience them on our path to enlightenment. What is important is that you DO acknowledge it, and it appears that you have acknowledged it. It is very brave to come out here on the forum and pour to us your heart, but you still must face it, because it is your own self. It is not about her. It's about you.
It is very common for older people to be resentful about younger people. Just don't be common. Don't be resentful. It seems like your ego seems to be kicking in a great deal here. The great Master Jesus said that the kingdom of heaven is hidden from the wise and the prudent and revealed to the babe and the suckling. This means that you need to always be ready to cast off what you think of as "my knowledge", or "my wisdom". You need to always be ready to learn new things.
Maybe try to view this new relationship (and she is in your workplace to help you grow spiritually, this is very good) as an opportunity to learn many new things. Maybe you could pick up some information about sports medicine from her? She also seems very charitable. Maybe you could offer a free session or something to a new client, or next time someone tells you they don't have enough money, slice the fee in half out of charity? These are good techniques to overcome what you feel inside.
Learn as much as you can. It's not about competing with yoga hotties. In fact, the spiritual path is not about competition at all. The spiritual path is about helping each other along the way, cuz we all face difficulties. Hope this helps.
Tremendous blessing on you!
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| Dear Shalom:
This is what I have to say. a) Do not waste time and energy in feeling ashamed. Feel ashamed but not for long. b) Decide what you need. If you are doing shameful acts as that is the only way you can survive, you may not be able to help it. Accept that. For example, many Europeans in New Orleans may have millions of dollars property. Do you think they shall give it to Katrina relief? NO. They have their own limit. c) Make a plan of what you wish to do such as things 1) , 2), 3) are possible for you. And, do them.
d) Do not waste time in researching the final fixed answer to this question. |
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| nobody can make you feel jealous either. this is something that you're doing to yourself based on your assumptions and self judgements. also, i don't know about you, but i don't take comfort in other people going through what i'm going through (the idea that "they'll be here someday.") in my case, i sure as hell hope not. i hope that other people don't go through the resentment work that i'm going through. i hope they go through it faster, or whatever else. no, i wouldn't wish it on anyone.
we all have our things, but i don't assume that anyone will 'be that way themselves some day'--and as i said, i often hope not!
but, my point in sharing was to own the fact that you might be saying "you're just not willing to pay your dues" or "you don't know anything!" to me--it might be coming out of your jealousy, not out of any reality about me. and then i hear that, and instead of going "that may be her deal" i say "well, she's one of those."
typically, i wait until the individual says something before making the assumption--but you jump the gun on the assumption and assume that youth equals only 'jumping on the band wagon' or that "part of [my] problem with the younger generation of instructors is that they don't seem to have that reverence. They want to have many classes right off the bat instead of working under a mentor and really paying their dues." and maybe you feel this way not because it's 'reality' but because it somehow plays into your own fears--which plays into jealousy.
your jealousy isn't the reality--and neither are those assumptions in every case. this isn't to say, though, that this doesn't happen (people jumping on wagons or not paying dues)--but that it happens regardless of age. And, just because it does happen sometimes--regardless of age--doesn't mean that's the case for everyone out there.
it's possible for a person to be reverent, to have paid their dues, to have worked hard for many years--and not be the same age as you. just as it is possible for you to honestly say 'you lack the maturity for this or that'--and mean it in an objective way, and for it to be very true and real, without me assuming that you devalue me personally (i've experienced these scenarios).
you see, my resentment is my pattern. it's the assumptive, evaluation process--not the observational process. and that's my point. instead of going "she said that." (observation), and perhaps trying to find out why, i say "she thinks i lack value." (evaluation). in this second instance, i'm looking at it in a reactive way. in the first instance, it's an active way. I can work through these things by looking at what i'm really thinking and feeling and going through--and not just assuming that this or that is meant or believed based on my own fears and patterns.
and thus, so can you in regards to jealousy.
another reason i mentioned by resentment, btw, was to mention to you that there is an interplay here. your statement here--10 years is a lot of experience, but I have twice that much...as do many of my friends.--coupled with the statements that followed sent me into a frustration pattern, MY PATTERN, wherein i felt that you thought/assumed that i haven't paid my dues, etc.
but, i can't assume that, so i was able to step back and go, "ok, what is this *really* about?" and then begin the dialogue from there.
there is another part i want to touch on here:
They want to have many classes right off the bat....
i think this aspect also ties into the jealousy/fear stuff. you fear loosing clients, classes, and opportunities to these other teachers--in part because of their appearance. i'm just coupling up some statements from your first post and this one to come to this conclusion. it could be wrong of course.
there are times when a newbie teacher (of any age) fresh off of her teacher training (or his i guess) wants to come in and take over the yoga program at a gym or something. they want tons of classes; they're zealous and excited.
but for me, my reaction is different than yours seems to be. you fear loosing opportunties, so you assign a devaluation/judgement to them that stems out of your fear/jealousy. my reaction is to acknowledge their excitement and recognize that there are enough clients for all of us. and with this, acknowledge, without judgement, their immaturity as teachers and recognize that it's ok to be new, and that it's ok to be zealous, and that they don't know some of the social faux pas that they're making. And to be able to be good natured about that, rather than saying "they don't have any reverence! they don't want to pay their dues!" they may not have any clue what this means! LOL
and that's ok too. it really is ok to be immature, to be new. it's not a slight against us. i've even come to see that 'jumping on the band wagon' has it's place, as does having completely untrained teachers show up in your world. it provides interesting diversity and contrast.
but i came to this position when i stopped fearing that i wouldn't have classes and clients. when i realized that i couldn't be everything for everyone, and when i could say "oh yeah, that's what it's like to be new and excited."
and then i was actually able to mentor people too--to help them out in various ways. that's been very rewarding for me. |
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| One new instructor at our studio is a beautiful young girl ..
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Uh, where is your studio? :D
Seriously, take a look at the photo that I post. That is my teacher. (she is the shorter one, on the left. :) ) There are many younger ladies than her that teach that teach in this area, and some would place better with the judges at a "beauty contest".
Some might even be able to do a few asanas that she can't.
But I wouldn't trade her for anyone!
Perhaps you have the same effect on some of your students?
Edited by ollie 2007-03-26 3:57 PM
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Expert Yogi
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| Our senior teacher is 75. Her classes and workshops fill up with people wanting to learn from her many, many years of experience. As I see it, we need the young, energetic keeners to give classes to the young folk who want to grunt and sweat. They won't be getting that from me!  |
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| Well Jessica--you lived and learned...were ashamed and admitted it so there you go--personification of a human yoga teacher. Also being human, I can't say I don't notice the attractive young hotties but when the vinyasas get going, I really don't think of the physical aspect of the teacher or student--we're just all in the yoga zone. I think (no metrics to prove it) but me being an older guy has attracted students that see me as the wizened yogi thinking I've been studying since the last century (hey, that's true!). I leverage that and while making 'em sweat (they want that) i insert sage wisdom when appropriate. Funny, but the best teacher I know is a 40ish woman--heart of gold and a practice to envy--pure coincidence she is incredibly gorgeous as well. |
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Expert Yogi
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Location: A Blue State | Your honesty is really commendable. Certainly, in my life I've had people put me down b/c I was young, energetic, and talented -- makes it hard for the old farts to run things w/o doing much -- but I'm not a yoga teacher. I'm also not so young anymore, and I do find professionally that it is extremely annoying when a young person shows up acting as if my quarter century of experience doesn't have any value. So, restraint and patience become cardinal virtues in MENTORING young people. Jealousy, on the other hand, has no proper place in any activity for anyone (except for a spouse or partner). Again, your honesty in this post is remarkable, and I truly do hope that it opens new doors for you. ... bg |
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| Bay Guy - 2007-03-26 8:30 PM
Your honesty is really commendable. Certainly, in my life I've had people put me down b/c I was young, energetic, and talented -- makes it hard for the old farts to run things w/o doing much -- but I'm not a yoga teacher. I'm also not so young anymore, and I do find professionally that it is extremely annoying when a young person shows up acting as if my quarter century of experience doesn't have any value.
Think of how I feel when I go to a math conference and end up seeing some hotshot from MIT who is barely HALF my age coming up with results I can barely even begin to understand, much less come up with myself.
These folks really ARE much smarter than I am or ever was!
My yoga has helped me come to terms that I am indeed an idiot. 
But the world needs idiots too! 
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| Well, thanks everyone for your kind words. I didn't think I'd get commended for revealing that! Yeah, I guess I feel old, but when that happens you can only do one thing....find older students! |
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Extreme Veteran
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As a nolder student, I really appreciate both old and young instructors, for different qualities.
I have noticed that I am envious of younger people who have an easier time with the poses.
I also encounter attitudes from them that its a miracle that I can do yoga ta all. So, the
feelings of comparison of size, age, ability, never end. Unless we stop comparing and look beyond those qualities. |
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Expert Yogi
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Location: right where I'm supposed to be | That is great that you are acknowledging how you feel. That's one way to dump your internal baggage. I always feel better when I openly voice feelings that are eating away at me.
There is no need to feel insecure or jealous. You have experience. Be confident and give your all to your students. They will learn from you and when you know longer suit their needs, let them go.
I've never had jealousy issues with younger teachers or any teacher for the matter. I'm pretty confident with my teaching abilities. If I can't help a student progress I will guide them towards teachers who can.
OTOH, I do harbor some resentment towards senior teachers who have the attitude that I'm not worthy or too inexperienced to be an effective teacher. I think I've stated so and from having that discussion on this board others made me realize that I am holding old patterns that seems to still exist to a certain degree. I'm trying to work through these issues but everytime I meet a teacher or senior teacher who has an attitude with me of "Who do you think you are" I am bothered. This is when I try my darndest to be nice to these teachers. Maybe they'll get past my outer shell. Maybe they can help me along my path. I look to senior teachers for their wisdom. Instead of viewing this teacher as a rival why not think of how you can help them to be the best teacher they can.
I try to focus my energies on what I can give my students. I love my students and absolutely love what I do. I can't imagine what I would do if something happened to me where I couldn't teach yoga anymore.
Let your students feel your love. Share your knowledge. Do what you do best. Everything else will fall into place the way it should be. Don't let your jealousy or insecurities infect your practice. |
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Expert Yogi
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Location: Somewhere in the Mountains of Western NC | Bay Guy - 2007-03-26 9:30 PM I'm also not so young anymore, and I do find professionally that it is extremely annoying when a young person shows up acting as if my quarter century of experience doesn't have any value. So, restraint and patience become cardinal virtues in MENTORING young people. Shalom, I think you really should re-read this paragraph by BG. When I read your post I didn't see that you were Jealous....I saw what BG wrote instead. Thank you for bringing this up BG. I experience this all the time, especially with my older son. So, don't beat yourself up, there are many other factors at play here and sometimes this crap can really F**% with your head. Younger people today are also doing a lot of copying. This is also frustrating for the ones like me and my generation that worked our butts off and used our creativity to pave the way so our younger generation could have easy street or just basically because we figured out the hard stuff. Most of us in my generation did not have it very easy. Mostly because we were dealing with the generations before us that were really a pain in the A$$! Sometimes its very hard to turn over the reigns so to speak, Good luck and very best wishes. |
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| I have a feeling this is the same story in every walk of life. And the previous generation always thinks they had it harder. In some ways, they did, and in some ways they didn't. Today, it's easier to become a teacher, but harder to get a job. Yes, yoga teachers are popping up everywhere but there is critisim at every turn about who's got more hours/better/more authentic training. There is yin and yang to everything, including time and place.
I do believe you when you say I will one day be jealous. I've noticed it in myself already. I think it's a survival of the fittest thing and it's hardwired into us. I think it's maybe even foolish to think we won't all feel that pang of youth gone by. There are precious few places in the world for our old people. Also, I'm all about listening and taking advice. If you say those feelings are coming down the pike, then I believe it. You're there, I'm not. But, I'll be there soon! :lol
Thank you for sharing. I think you are on the path to dealing with your feelings and letting some of the negativity go. I think we all have to embrace aging and work with the next generation, or we become fuddy-duddies. |
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| Kym - 2007-03-27 1:05 PM
there is critisim at every turn about who's got more hours/better/more authentic training. There is yin and yang to everything, including time and place.
Exactly. One thing that is so true is that everyone makes sure to mention how many years they've been teaching/practicing yoga...and I'm sure much of it is exaggerated. How come people who are 23 year old teachers are claiming to have practiced yoga for 20 years? You begin to get skeptical after a while. No teacher admits to being 'new' and they've all been teaching for at least 10 years...lmao. People say they've trained with some high profile yogi, but all they did was go to one workshop and paid through the roof for it.
Lately I'm beginning to wonder just how important experience is....I mean that's what I've always relied upon...The fact that I have all these years. But I really haven't done much studying and have been doing the same thing year after year. Maybe it is possible that a new teacher fresh of her teacher training could be superior to me...if she has a natural talent and intuition, something that I fear I don't have.
Another thing is that women have always been hard on one another...especially older women toward younger women. And let's face it. Most yoga teachers are women. In some ways I'm jealous of the few male teachers I meet as well....They seem to get very popular because women like to take orders from a male...and the traditional yogi masters were almost always men.
The thing that I have to learn is that these young teachers are women too...even though I see them as girls. They aren't my teenage daughters. They are smart and qualified women who are no different than I was not that long ago.
Edited by shalamOM 2007-03-28 11:24 AM
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I need to confess
